I ended up at the clinic for 2 hours - got the tingly electro-massage thing, lots of "does this hurt? does this hurt? how about this?", some self-inflicted foam roller massage (assigned for homework), exercises (also assigned for homework), some twisting and pulling, and then some acupuncture.
Apparently due to my dance background I am "too flexible" in my lower spine and I've compressed/pinched something in and around my L5. Also my iliotibial bands are totally messed up.
I went home and promptly hurt myself doing my "homework". I sproinged* my knee doing wall squats.
*legit medical term